Noted my last post was in Aug, the same time as he comes into my life. A new team member. Initially he changed my lunch habit. Due to previous bad mouth incidents, my lunch habit is to look for my friend who worked nearby for lunch. After he joined, he will ask me to join in their lunch session. This was the first change.
In almost 90% of the lunch sessions, he would sit infront of me, making my heart beating out of control. He is tall, tan, good looking (at least I think that way) and sociable. But I am introvert, I do not open to others after first few conversations.
The other change that he brought about is making me more proactive to want to know him. As I say I am introvert, this is really the first few time that I want to get to know a guy. I started to SMS him but his response really makes me back off abit. Short and 'sweet' answer which I do not know how to prolong our SMS conversation. Is it because we are still not familiar with each other? Or he sense that I am interested in him, making him not wanting to share things with me? I really want to know!!
2 months after he entered my life, we started to talk more. On the day before his birthday, I sms him, wishing him happy birthday and asked about his plans since he took leave on his birthday. He had no plan so I dated him out for dinner. That is the first time we went out, just the 2 of us. Exciting but not that happening hahaa... We went to a ramen restaurant which he suggested and coffee at TCC. I did get to know him more.
A few days after that, he sms me, offer to give me a ride home after work. I was on cloud nine that day, feel that way even when I go to bed at night. Subsequently, we had longer conversations, through sms or face to face. I would initiate the conversation most of the time. I started to think if he has the slightest feeling for me. Seems like no as I am the one who initiate most of the time. I began to feel tired, after 2 weeks of trying harder to know him. I start to question myself if I should continue to do this.
My friend, SH, told me that I should give us more time to get to know each other. Her case makes me feel sad and disappointed towards BGR. She know AL for 1 year and had crash on him for another year. She then feel that it is time to end this uncertain relationship. She said, wherelse for me, I only get to know him for 4 months only an should give more time. I wonder if I can go on for another year, not knowing of he likes me or not. This is a terrible and horrible feeling. I HATE IT!!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Life life life.... sigh....
Emotional moment is here again... Thinking: what is the meaning of living? Is living for ourselves or others? Why are we so affected by others? Or rather, why am I so affected by others?
Every little things that I do affect others. So does others affecting me. How come people can just ignore or neglect others' feeling and do their own way? Have they not know how much an impact their result can cause to others? Have they not know their actions indirectly affects them in future? How come they be so sure that their actions will not backfired?
I always do not and cannot understand this. I try to be nice to people but somehow, people do not appreciate it and yet abuse it. To protect myself, I have to turn hostile and wary. This make my life so tiring. When I does this, this also make the other person's life very tiring too. So can't all think positively and think in the shoes of others. I am not asking people to not move forward. I am just asking people to move forward and yet looking out for other's. I know this might cause people to move slow but it is more of a win-win situation.
Think about it. I hope everything can goes more smoothly and cause less pain.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Motivation or Psycho-ed?
Last Fri, my friend, SY, dragged me to a talk that talks about making changes to yourself and hence your world. I was not keen to go as I think this is just another talk to psycho people into positive thinking and so. When I met up with my friend after work, I was shocked to find out that there are only 3 person attending this talk: me, SY and another person. This talk was introduced to SY through her friend, Mr J.
When I met up with Mr J, he brought another colleague, Mr S, along. They were colleagues in the same company while SY and Mr J were uni friends. Before the talk began, I had a stereo thinking that this talk is about thinking positive and psycho-ing people. When the talk began, the speaker, DT, talked about making changes and thinking of the source and not the result, I see a little difference. It is more than thinking positive. It also makes you think of what you really are, instead of what you think you are. This makes us accept what we are not as we are all not perfect.
When DT talked about how she talked to her boss to talk about her promotion and increment, I got alittle inspired. I also want to do that and yes I will do that. I am meeting my boss on Wed and I will take this chance to talk to him about what is his plan for me.
Today is Wed and I am looking forward to this chance to talk to him.
Friday, August 5, 2011
How to prepare for the worst?
After receiving my lady boss SMS last evening and one night of thoughts, I think today she is going to talk to me, definitely not in a good tone. How can I prepare myself not to tear in front of her? I am a very emotional person so I believe I will cry when she talked to me regarding last night SMS.
Furthermore, there is a testing today which I could not attend because of another meeting. I have a bad feeling that today testing might not to our advantage which might affect her mood. How how? I feel like I am a scapegoat or venting toy for her to vent her anger =(
I remember boss ever ask me what do I want to do over here. To be a normal person and progress as normal (which might mean slow). Or someone who is highlighted to the management and have more challenging roles and work. At this point of time, my answer is to be a normal person. Some colleagues had reflected to me, through their actions, that I cannot make it. I seriously do not know how come boss say I have the potential to make it big here. Or this is just his management talk to retain people.
The aim of the day is: how to not tear in front of my lady boss... How I wish someone is here to advise and help me... But I am all alone =(
Furthermore, there is a testing today which I could not attend because of another meeting. I have a bad feeling that today testing might not to our advantage which might affect her mood. How how? I feel like I am a scapegoat or venting toy for her to vent her anger =(
I remember boss ever ask me what do I want to do over here. To be a normal person and progress as normal (which might mean slow). Or someone who is highlighted to the management and have more challenging roles and work. At this point of time, my answer is to be a normal person. Some colleagues had reflected to me, through their actions, that I cannot make it. I seriously do not know how come boss say I have the potential to make it big here. Or this is just his management talk to retain people.
The aim of the day is: how to not tear in front of my lady boss... How I wish someone is here to advise and help me... But I am all alone =(
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Do not want to make enemy but made some unintentionally =(
For the past few days, I have been doing my job and I thought I did well. But I was wrong, very wrong. I try to have good working relationship with external people and my colleague but my colleague told me that I am too biased to external people.
All along, I thought by having a good relationship, I cam get things going and make people willing to work, be it for my project or other things. I was so damn wrong.
First, the entry panel on the rack is not position at the right location, causing the connectors not being able to fit properly to the entry panel. Others suggest that we can rotate the entry panel so that the connectors can fit. We tried and it works. After fixing the rack permanently, I told my lady boss this issue the next day and she is a little angry how come I did not told her this before the rack is permanently mounted. I told her the place is noisy and I can't get the idea across without showing her diagrams.
Next is the connectivity problem. Sw A and Sw B cannot operate together for long. Many people have been investigating on this for at least 2-3 months and no solution is found. Finally, external people managed to get them working together for at least 3 days. So the programmers thought they can work on the full Sw with the tested data flow method. Who knows, after they full developed the sw, the 2 Sw cannot work together for long. My lady boss want to revert to
the tested and proven working version before full development, the head of external people does not support and had a verbal fight with my lady boss. While they are fighting, I found out more what is different from the tested and proven, and the fully developed version. Before they fight, I told my lady boss that they are having farewell dinner with their colleague. This is to let her know that they would not want to work late. What is wrong with telling her this?
Thirdly is the pressure that our user given her. Our user told her that there might be a change as people might take over the user role. This means she might lose her job if we dis not get things running. My lady boss not happen that I mingle with the external people and laugh with them. I can't make the decision. What can I do? Even if I do not talk with the external people, I just quietly stand there, I will also get a nice talk from my lady boss.
I want to start a working relationship by trusting people. I do not want to start by using authority. I do not like people to use authority so I will not want to use it, unless necessary. If people abuse my trust and not producing good job, them I will yell them that they had abuse my trust and sorry have to use my authority. I understand if things did not turn out good, I will suffer but why make other people suffer my authority when there is no need to use authority.
From this incident, I can only say I do not have the freedom if executing what I believe and want to do. Is it because my rank is too low? Now I just got to say YES to everyone and everything. This really put off my morale. My fire is already low. With this, it almost extinguish. How? What should I do to have fire back? I do not want to be like those old man who just work as they are told. I do not want to be a robot. I want to lead. How how how?
All along, I thought by having a good relationship, I cam get things going and make people willing to work, be it for my project or other things. I was so damn wrong.
First, the entry panel on the rack is not position at the right location, causing the connectors not being able to fit properly to the entry panel. Others suggest that we can rotate the entry panel so that the connectors can fit. We tried and it works. After fixing the rack permanently, I told my lady boss this issue the next day and she is a little angry how come I did not told her this before the rack is permanently mounted. I told her the place is noisy and I can't get the idea across without showing her diagrams.
Next is the connectivity problem. Sw A and Sw B cannot operate together for long. Many people have been investigating on this for at least 2-3 months and no solution is found. Finally, external people managed to get them working together for at least 3 days. So the programmers thought they can work on the full Sw with the tested data flow method. Who knows, after they full developed the sw, the 2 Sw cannot work together for long. My lady boss want to revert to
the tested and proven working version before full development, the head of external people does not support and had a verbal fight with my lady boss. While they are fighting, I found out more what is different from the tested and proven, and the fully developed version. Before they fight, I told my lady boss that they are having farewell dinner with their colleague. This is to let her know that they would not want to work late. What is wrong with telling her this?
Thirdly is the pressure that our user given her. Our user told her that there might be a change as people might take over the user role. This means she might lose her job if we dis not get things running. My lady boss not happen that I mingle with the external people and laugh with them. I can't make the decision. What can I do? Even if I do not talk with the external people, I just quietly stand there, I will also get a nice talk from my lady boss.
I want to start a working relationship by trusting people. I do not want to start by using authority. I do not like people to use authority so I will not want to use it, unless necessary. If people abuse my trust and not producing good job, them I will yell them that they had abuse my trust and sorry have to use my authority. I understand if things did not turn out good, I will suffer but why make other people suffer my authority when there is no need to use authority.
From this incident, I can only say I do not have the freedom if executing what I believe and want to do. Is it because my rank is too low? Now I just got to say YES to everyone and everything. This really put off my morale. My fire is already low. With this, it almost extinguish. How? What should I do to have fire back? I do not want to be like those old man who just work as they are told. I do not want to be a robot. I want to lead. How how how?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Where are all the happy things? How come it never happy to me?
I do not understand how come small thing also cannot help... How come need to make a fuss out of small things... If cannot help, just tell me. I can accept. WTF?! Do you need to announce to the whole division and let everyone know?
What happen everyday really disheartened me in working in this company... How come people cannot just work with one another? If not within your means to help, voice out. How do you know I am not reasonable enough to find other people to help or do it myself even. Do you know what impact your action can cause to the other person? You only bother about yourself, and care less for others even if other die. I know this is the true fact but can't you do it in a more gentle manner. I believe there is many ways of conveying the same message to others. The choice of words, tone and timing will change all these can make it more gentle.
I also believe people remember bad/unhappy/negative things better than happy/positive things. I am one of them. Be sure that I will remember this. Do not let me find anything bad about you. Once I do, you will regret, for sure...
What happen everyday really disheartened me in working in this company... How come people cannot just work with one another? If not within your means to help, voice out. How do you know I am not reasonable enough to find other people to help or do it myself even. Do you know what impact your action can cause to the other person? You only bother about yourself, and care less for others even if other die. I know this is the true fact but can't you do it in a more gentle manner. I believe there is many ways of conveying the same message to others. The choice of words, tone and timing will change all these can make it more gentle.
I also believe people remember bad/unhappy/negative things better than happy/positive things. I am one of them. Be sure that I will remember this. Do not let me find anything bad about you. Once I do, you will regret, for sure...
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
WTF? Can't they synchronise?
I seriously do not want to make this blog a mean to vent my anger but it seems like nothing happy has happen to my life since don't know when...
It is so annoying to arrange for meeting when people are not co-operative and clear on their boss' schedule. The story goes...
Suppose to arrange for a meeting to discuss on project. TFO, who just took over from MG, is our new client. He has 2 PA, SSS and LYF. Yes he is a big shot to have 2 PAs. So I called LYF to ask for TFO's schedule, which is known as schedule A. So finally, I emailed out, propose to meet on Date A, according to schedule A. BUT SSS replied the email to say that TFO's schedule should be schedule B. So got to change to Date B again. WFT? How come they can have different interpretation of the same schedule? TFO only has 1 schedule!!!!
After arranging to Date B yesterday, back in office today and I got a "surprise" when I checked my email. TFO actually suggested to meet on Date A, to get things rolling asap. How come they cannot synchronise themselve? They work in the same company and how come they do not share the same view?! This has become an email fight... I shall wait and see what more do I get from this email thread. As of now, no reply, maybe until the end of the day.
I know it is a small thing. But how come a small thing can turn into a complicated and conflicting issue?
It is so annoying to arrange for meeting when people are not co-operative and clear on their boss' schedule. The story goes...
Suppose to arrange for a meeting to discuss on project. TFO, who just took over from MG, is our new client. He has 2 PA, SSS and LYF. Yes he is a big shot to have 2 PAs. So I called LYF to ask for TFO's schedule, which is known as schedule A. So finally, I emailed out, propose to meet on Date A, according to schedule A. BUT SSS replied the email to say that TFO's schedule should be schedule B. So got to change to Date B again. WFT? How come they can have different interpretation of the same schedule? TFO only has 1 schedule!!!!
After arranging to Date B yesterday, back in office today and I got a "surprise" when I checked my email. TFO actually suggested to meet on Date A, to get things rolling asap. How come they cannot synchronise themselve? They work in the same company and how come they do not share the same view?! This has become an email fight... I shall wait and see what more do I get from this email thread. As of now, no reply, maybe until the end of the day.
I know it is a small thing. But how come a small thing can turn into a complicated and conflicting issue?
Friday, July 8, 2011
Slack but not so pleasant day...
My frustration seems to calm down. After a 1.5 day course, I felt more refresh and calmed. What's good about today is It Is A Slack Day. My team got an outing to a small island. A nice colleague picked me and another colleague up at a nearby train station and head to the jetty. The day is hot and humid, a typical day in my country.
The journey on the ferry is about 10-15min and ta-da here we are on the small and layback island. Our destination is a wetland on the eastern side of the island. Some of us took the comfortable way to reach the destination: renting a mini bus. The rest took the harder way: renting a bicycle which I did.
The cycling route to the wetland is not an easy one. Up and down we went. With the condition of rented bicycle, the route is harder for me. The gears do not seems to be working properly. I was so tired when we finally reached the destination after 20-30min.
The wetland is small with lots of inhabitants and trees. We spent some time there discovering the nature and taking photos. The wetland branched into the open sea and the view is nice. Many of us took photos while admiring the nature.
Its another 20-30min ride back to the jetty. There are restaurant where we had our lunch. The food is not bad and the portion is quite reasonable. We had a quick lung before we head back to the mainland jetty and to our boss' house.
I never imagine my boss to stay in a 3 storey private property. The surrounding enviroent is nice and quiet but yet it's near to a bus stop. He showed us around in his house, after which he brought us to the dining area where he had prepared snacks for us. There is even chocolate fondue to go with fruits.
We spent some time exploring his house, talking and eating before we left his house. Our user invited us ti a ceremony to witness the change in their company so some of us went home to wash up and attend the ceremony.
I thought I would be able to drive to the venue but my parents need to drive my nephew home. Why can't my sis-in-law take a cab to fetch my nephew home? Oh well so I asked my dad to drive me to the venue. But in a hurry, I forgot to bring keys. So I ended up waiting for my parents to come home.
The ceremony was quite simple but yet formal. They must have worked hard in preparing for this ceremony. After the ceremony, there were dinner (buffet and on-the-spot cooking). However, the lunch and snack at my boss' house has yet disgusted. So it is only filling up my eyes and not my stomach.
When I reached home, I called my mum to ask them when are they coming bak because I forgot to bring key. She told me she want to watch finish a drama before coming back and want me to wait for 30min. If this 30mins is because of traveling time, I am okay. But it is because she want to watch finish a drama!!! What's more, the drama can be replayed from the Internet. The time I lost cannot e replayed!!! This is something that I cannot accept and understand. But what can I do? I can only wait for them to come home. Who ask me to forgot to bring keys.
The journey on the ferry is about 10-15min and ta-da here we are on the small and layback island. Our destination is a wetland on the eastern side of the island. Some of us took the comfortable way to reach the destination: renting a mini bus. The rest took the harder way: renting a bicycle which I did.
The cycling route to the wetland is not an easy one. Up and down we went. With the condition of rented bicycle, the route is harder for me. The gears do not seems to be working properly. I was so tired when we finally reached the destination after 20-30min.
The wetland is small with lots of inhabitants and trees. We spent some time there discovering the nature and taking photos. The wetland branched into the open sea and the view is nice. Many of us took photos while admiring the nature.
Its another 20-30min ride back to the jetty. There are restaurant where we had our lunch. The food is not bad and the portion is quite reasonable. We had a quick lung before we head back to the mainland jetty and to our boss' house.
I never imagine my boss to stay in a 3 storey private property. The surrounding enviroent is nice and quiet but yet it's near to a bus stop. He showed us around in his house, after which he brought us to the dining area where he had prepared snacks for us. There is even chocolate fondue to go with fruits.
We spent some time exploring his house, talking and eating before we left his house. Our user invited us ti a ceremony to witness the change in their company so some of us went home to wash up and attend the ceremony.
I thought I would be able to drive to the venue but my parents need to drive my nephew home. Why can't my sis-in-law take a cab to fetch my nephew home? Oh well so I asked my dad to drive me to the venue. But in a hurry, I forgot to bring keys. So I ended up waiting for my parents to come home.
The ceremony was quite simple but yet formal. They must have worked hard in preparing for this ceremony. After the ceremony, there were dinner (buffet and on-the-spot cooking). However, the lunch and snack at my boss' house has yet disgusted. So it is only filling up my eyes and not my stomach.
When I reached home, I called my mum to ask them when are they coming bak because I forgot to bring key. She told me she want to watch finish a drama before coming back and want me to wait for 30min. If this 30mins is because of traveling time, I am okay. But it is because she want to watch finish a drama!!! What's more, the drama can be replayed from the Internet. The time I lost cannot e replayed!!! This is something that I cannot accept and understand. But what can I do? I can only wait for them to come home. Who ask me to forgot to bring keys.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
More calmed... Can I stay this way??
I thought I might not be able to control myself at work. I guess it's because of the boring course that prevent me from thinking of the unhappy things.
My friend wrote me a super long email. She told me that she think my boss did help me by giving me a chance to go Paris in Feb. However, that is the last happy thing that happen to me this year, at least until now. Had she forgot that people bad mouth and backstabbed me??!! I admitted that I did mistakes at my workplace but to endure backstabbing and outcast by colleagues, is this too much for the small mistakes I made?
Then, I told myself: Never mind. Just look forward to July promotion and more overseas trips to come. But how wrong and stupid I was then. I endured being outcast and let the backstabbing continued. What did I got in return? Nothing??!!
We cannot expect anything in return?! How many people can truly think this way? I m not God. I cannot make myself God, to readily forgive and forget what I had been through for the past 6 months. How many times I cried for being in the battle alone? No one in my team is with me. NONE!! To forgive and forget?! I am sorry but I cannot do it right now. I will try but I need time, lots of time...
That's for now. My train journey is almost ending... I hope the content in my blog gets happier and happier.
My friend wrote me a super long email. She told me that she think my boss did help me by giving me a chance to go Paris in Feb. However, that is the last happy thing that happen to me this year, at least until now. Had she forgot that people bad mouth and backstabbed me??!! I admitted that I did mistakes at my workplace but to endure backstabbing and outcast by colleagues, is this too much for the small mistakes I made?
Then, I told myself: Never mind. Just look forward to July promotion and more overseas trips to come. But how wrong and stupid I was then. I endured being outcast and let the backstabbing continued. What did I got in return? Nothing??!!
We cannot expect anything in return?! How many people can truly think this way? I m not God. I cannot make myself God, to readily forgive and forget what I had been through for the past 6 months. How many times I cried for being in the battle alone? No one in my team is with me. NONE!! To forgive and forget?! I am sorry but I cannot do it right now. I will try but I need time, lots of time...
That's for now. My train journey is almost ending... I hope the content in my blog gets happier and happier.
After a sleepless night...
I did not know how long it took me to fall sleep after my first and unhappy blog. Woke up this morning to found puffy eyes on a disappointed face. Took a shower to cool myself down but I m not sure if it's the water from the shower hose or my tears that clean my face.
Another session of thinking... Why do I pinned so much hope on the promotion? Is this my desire or someone induced me to have that hope? When I told my boss I wanted to join the medical company, he told me I have certain quality to make it big here and he will help me. When I told him how much the medical company offer, he told I can achieve it here in a short time and he will help me too. M I taking what he said too damn serious? Is this why I pinned high hope for this promotion? I have a choice to leave, to believe him. It is me who lead to current disappointment. If I had not believe, if I were firmed to leave. But who will know how I fare in the medical company.
My friends told me not to be discourage and look forward to something good. I asked myself: what should I look forward to? Another chance for promotion next year? A better job somewhere out there? Someone who can comfort me when I am so damn down? I really do noy know what can I look forward to. Felt great depression and want to escape from work... But here I m, taking train to my workplace to attend a course... How I with I can be at beach now to cry myself out and get over this stupid promotion issue NOW!!
Another session of thinking... Why do I pinned so much hope on the promotion? Is this my desire or someone induced me to have that hope? When I told my boss I wanted to join the medical company, he told me I have certain quality to make it big here and he will help me. When I told him how much the medical company offer, he told I can achieve it here in a short time and he will help me too. M I taking what he said too damn serious? Is this why I pinned high hope for this promotion? I have a choice to leave, to believe him. It is me who lead to current disappointment. If I had not believe, if I were firmed to leave. But who will know how I fare in the medical company.
My friends told me not to be discourage and look forward to something good. I asked myself: what should I look forward to? Another chance for promotion next year? A better job somewhere out there? Someone who can comfort me when I am so damn down? I really do noy know what can I look forward to. Felt great depression and want to escape from work... But here I m, taking train to my workplace to attend a course... How I with I can be at beach now to cry myself out and get over this stupid promotion issue NOW!!
My first blog and an unhappy one
12 midnight and here I am writing my first blog and an unhappy one. I m a very average person who just want to achieve the average thing in life. This has really give me a big hit in my life that makes me wondering why I m who I m and where I am now.
Since graduated, I work hard, wanting to achieve or reap what I sow but it seems like I can't achieve that in my first company. Left my beloved colleagues and I head to the second, hoping for a better career ahead. However, it is not what I expected.
After working for a year in my second company, I was headhunted to work in a setup biomedical company as a project manager, something I have been always wanted. In Feb, I told my boss my intention to quit and join this biomedical company but he pursued me to stay, saying that he has high hope on me and think I will make it big in the second company. Am I naive or what? I actually gave up what I always wanted and stay in the second company and worked as a project engineer. I told my boss I wanted something more, in terms of monetary. He said he will try to do something. In this company, the only way to have that is to have promotion. I pinned high hope for a promotion in July.
So here in July, and the news is here. What did I get? A pathetic 6% increment and no promotion. The reason for me not getting a promotion is because I m less than 2 years in this company. The thing that makes me feel worse is a fresh grad who worked here for 2 years actually got a promotion. What is my 5 years working experience compared to a fresh grad's 2 years?
This may be trivial others but it is damn important to me. I wanted this promotion so badly. I told my boss I m disappointed. He told me that I will make it eventually. So how long is eventually? He said 1-2 years. But what if I waited for 1-2 years and I m still here? Who is sure that 1-2 years I will speed up n be at the level as my peers? Am I asking too much to b at the same level as my peers?
I m damn disappointed with it. I m so sad that I cried and cried and cried. Funny to cry over such trivial matter? NO!!! It is affecting me so much that I started writing this blog to vent my anger n frustration. I have no one to turn to. I do not want my family members to worry about me and I cannot tell my colleagues about it as they will gossip about this. I am alway putting up this strong side to others but who knows that I am actually weak and a crybaby.
My ultimate question for this log is: M I asking too much to be the same level as my peers?
Since graduated, I work hard, wanting to achieve or reap what I sow but it seems like I can't achieve that in my first company. Left my beloved colleagues and I head to the second, hoping for a better career ahead. However, it is not what I expected.
After working for a year in my second company, I was headhunted to work in a setup biomedical company as a project manager, something I have been always wanted. In Feb, I told my boss my intention to quit and join this biomedical company but he pursued me to stay, saying that he has high hope on me and think I will make it big in the second company. Am I naive or what? I actually gave up what I always wanted and stay in the second company and worked as a project engineer. I told my boss I wanted something more, in terms of monetary. He said he will try to do something. In this company, the only way to have that is to have promotion. I pinned high hope for a promotion in July.
So here in July, and the news is here. What did I get? A pathetic 6% increment and no promotion. The reason for me not getting a promotion is because I m less than 2 years in this company. The thing that makes me feel worse is a fresh grad who worked here for 2 years actually got a promotion. What is my 5 years working experience compared to a fresh grad's 2 years?
This may be trivial others but it is damn important to me. I wanted this promotion so badly. I told my boss I m disappointed. He told me that I will make it eventually. So how long is eventually? He said 1-2 years. But what if I waited for 1-2 years and I m still here? Who is sure that 1-2 years I will speed up n be at the level as my peers? Am I asking too much to b at the same level as my peers?
I m damn disappointed with it. I m so sad that I cried and cried and cried. Funny to cry over such trivial matter? NO!!! It is affecting me so much that I started writing this blog to vent my anger n frustration. I have no one to turn to. I do not want my family members to worry about me and I cannot tell my colleagues about it as they will gossip about this. I am alway putting up this strong side to others but who knows that I am actually weak and a crybaby.
My ultimate question for this log is: M I asking too much to be the same level as my peers?
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